Lloydy and Dave live in a location where the NBA draft commences at 7.30am on a Friday morning. For the past three years, it’s been a perfect reason for them to take the day off, commence proceedings with a whiskey and dry (or two) and watch the NBA draft with their big boards in hand. This year, they’re joined by Disco Stu (and his big board) and take you along for the ride with their very first NBA draft diary.
The process is simple (for a three person game): if someone predicts a pick right, and the others don’t, they each drink a double shot of a 40% liquor of their choice. If two predict right while the other doesn’t, the loser drinks double that.
Is there really anything you’d rather be doing at 7.30am? Enjoy.
Part one – Pre-Draft
12 June 2016, 3.08pm (Lloydy) – so far, my big board is Simmons, Ingram, Maker, Hield (ok, maybe one of those is a little out) and ‘who the hell are the rest of you supposed to be anyway?’ I really need get to work, especially since Dave watches a lot more college ball than me – or else things could get ugly in our big board battle…
14 June 2016, 10.58am (Lloydy) – here is this year’s all-idiot lineup of teams who won’t be drafting in the first round because they traded their pick/s:
- Brooklyn – lost the no. 3 pick to Boston in the Garnett/Pierce trade. It’s ok, I’m sure they can still do something with the no. 55 pick.
- New York – would have had the no. 7 pick, but swapped it to Denver for the no. 9 pick (Melo trade), before then trading that pick away in 2013 to Toronto for ANDREA BARGNANI!!! (No, I’m not joking). The GM on the other side for each trade was Masai Ujiri by the way. (Ed: Denver ended up taking Jamal Murray at no. 7, so let’s see how bad this ends up for New York).
- Washington – traded the no. 13 pick to Phoenix for one of the Morrii and the right to pay him $24 million for three seasons (two left). (Ed: Phoenix traded this pick and moved up the draft to no. 8 where they picked Marquiss Chriss).
- Houston – traded the no. 15 pick to Denver in the Ty Lawson trade. This one gets extra kudos because the first round pick traded by Houston was top 14 protected (!) and would have conveyed as a pair of second round picks next year. I’m sure getting pummelled by the Warriors in the first round of the playoffs was worth it. (Ed: Denver scored Hernangomez here. This could really come back to bite Houston).
- Dallas – traded the no. 16 pick to Boston for Rondo in 2015. Yeah. (Ed: Boston took Yabusele at no. 16).
- Portland – traded the no. 19 pick to Denver for Aaron Afflalo (with some ancillary pupu flowing both ways) – before letting him walk away as a free agent 25 games later (Ed: Denver took Malik Beasley here).
Something tells me I’ll have ample material to do this every year.
23 June 2016 – TRADE!!! – Chicago sends Derek Rose’s knees, Justin Holiday and a 2017 second round pick to New York in exchange for Robin Lopez, Jose Calderon and Jerian Grant.
23 June 2016 – ANOTHER TRADE!!! – Utah gets George Hill from Indiana, Indiana gets Jeff Teague from Atlanta and Atlanta gets Utah’s no. 12 pick in this year’s draft.
23 June 2016, 10.47am (Lloydy) – Utah could well have just added itself to the list of teams that won’t be drafting in the first round this year due to brain flatulence. There’s no way George Hill (30 years old) is worth a no. 12 pick – or Kawhi Leonard for that matter. And in any case, what the hell is Utah going to do with Exum, Burke, Hill, Mack and Neto on the same roster? There has to be another trade coming, doesn’t there? … Doesn’t there?
Saying that he’s an upgrade on Calderon is like having your dinner upgraded from maggots to worms. New York could easily have gotten just as good a PG without having to give up Lopez and Jerian Grant. The only saving grace is that Rose’s contract is expiring. Of course, this probably means that ‘contract year Rose’ will do just well enough for New York to wildly overpay him for the next five years after that – with the last 4 being played with a Zimmer Frame.
23 June 2016, 12.47pm (Dave) – is it just me or did everyone miss the Bairstow for Dinwiddie blockbuster between Chicago and Detroit six days ago? Where is the detailed analysis on ESPN as to how this moves the needle for both organisations?
(Lloydy) – is it possible for someone with the name ‘Dinwiddie’ to be a star player in the NBA – or in any professional sport other than perhaps golf? He might as well be called Jeeves.
PS: here’s some analysis:
23 June 2016, 1.01pm (Lloydy) – Thon Watch gets an update courtesy of nbadraft.net with this:
Why Toronto takes Thon Maker: Toronto likes length and athleticism and with International GM Masai Ujiri, Thon has both the African and Canadian connection. Maker could end up going higher, but his lack of experience and readiness might limit his draft ceiling. If Thon can add good weight and his legs hold up, he could end up being a steal at the end of the first round.
Part Two – Draft Day
DRAFT DAY – TRADE!!! Charlotte trades the no. 22 pick to Sacramento for Marco Bellinelli.
(Lloydy) – We open proceedings with a mega trade and clearly the Kings are making a move for Thon. Ok, maybe not. But still.
Now I’m no GM, but something tells me that a 30 year old journeyman guard – who posted a PER of 9.49 last season – isn’t worth a no. 22 pick. GM Jordan strikes again!!!
(Ed: Sacramento took Malachi Richardson with the no. 22 pick).
7.32am (Dave) – Simmons flashes onto the big screen for the first time and the crowd roars. I think the whole of Philly has travelled up to Brooklyn for the draft. We may have a riot if Ingram goes No. 1.
7.33am (Lloydy) – Philly is up. Will they use up all of their five minutes just to piss everyone off? Pretty much – which is good because I’m still cooking up the hangover sausage for breakfast. It took months of research to get this one right on my big board by the way.
7.42am (Lloydy) – the Lakers use up all of their 5 minutes to pick Ingram. Dickheads. I hope he’s a bust. Actually… no. I hope he’s a superstar, scores 35 a game, gets sick of losing 60 games a season for his first four seasons and leaves as a free agent. Yes. That’s much better.
This is where things start to get interesting. I’ve got Buddy up next on my big board. Dave’s got Bender…
7.43am (Dave) – 2 for 2 on my Big Board right now. That’s 100% for the mathematically challenged. I have a feeling this will be the high point for the day.
7.49am (Lloydy) – Is it possible for time to expire without a pick? What happens? What does the team say? ‘We just couldn’t decide – they’re all special’.
Bilas says Bender could be a ball stopper. Bilas at his best early on.
7.50am (Lloydy) – it’s been a lot more than 5 minutes now. What’s happening. A trade perhaps?
7.51am (Lloydy) – holy shit, the Celtics take Jaylen Brown. Our big boards are now officially fucked. You’ve got to be kidding me. Brown at no. 3? Don’t give me ‘NBA ready body’ Bilas, this is bullshit. Bilas says he couldn’t see Brown at no. 3. How profound.
I’ve just looked at my big board and realised that I’ve got Brown at no. 4 (ok, so maybe Brown at no. 3 doesn’t sound so ridiculous), so the next one is dead for me. Dave’s got Chriss. Surely not…
7.52am (Dave) – I had 6 different guys at No. 3 over the last few days and Jaylen Brown wasn’t one of them. I’m going to check seek.com to see if there are any NBA GM positions available. Even I could select draft picks that make no sense.
7.59am (Lloydy) – the Suns take… Bender at no. 4. Fran Fraschilla calls Bender ‘silly putty’. I’m not even going to try and summarise his explanation for this. Having your game compared to silly putty is good right? All up, we now know that Bender has every chance of being ball stopping silly putty. I feel informed.
8.01am (Dave) – I was secretly hoping he would end up at Sacramento just to further screw up their merchandising department. They already have “Gay”, let’s see how they do trying to sell “Bender” as well.
(Lloydy) – do you reckon they would offer a discount for the ‘Gay Bender’ combo?
8.07am (Lloydy) – Minnesota takes Dunn at 5 and Dave drinks. Just what one needs at 8.07am – a shot of scotch. Make that two shots of scotch: Stu also had Dunn at 5. Excellent.
I’m not sure how this inconsistent shooting 6’4” point guard fits in with the one they already have on their roster. Look for one of them to be traded.
8.08am (Dave) – Scotch and sausage. Meh, it’s the breakfast of champions.
8.14am (Lloydy) – The Pellies take Buddy Hield and Lloydy drinks. Stu too. ESPN cranks out some Voshon Leonard highlights as he’s picked. I don’t know why, but it’s made our day anyway.
The interview question really should have been ‘so Buddy, how does it feel to have Jalen Rose compare you to Voshon Lenard?’. I would have paid to see the confused look on Buddy’s face.
8.16am (Dave) – BUDDY! YES! Making your friends shoot scotch and Voshon Lenard highlights. Another reason why draft day is circled on my calendar every year.
8.22am (Lloydy) – Denver takes Jamal Murray. Stu has him on his board. Dave and Lloydy drink. That’s 3 for Dave, 2 for Lloydy and 1 for Stu so far.
Dave has started negotiating the penalty quantity. Having three double shots of scotch between 8.07am to 8.22am will do that to you I suppose.
8.27am (Lloydy) – the Kings take Chriss at no. 8. A decent pick. And ESPN compares him to Rashard Lewis. WTF?! I have no doubt the Kings will ruin him. Pity. This guy can jump through the roof – just like Rashard Lewis I suppose.
8.30am (Dave) – DeMarcus Cousins has just tweeted ‘Lord give me strength’. Not a warm welcome for the young man. You can’t script this shit.
8.34am (Lloydy) – the Raptors take Poeltl at no. 9 and Dave and Stu drink. What an inspired prediction by Lloydy. The best thing from Austria since the Von Trap family says Bilas. And the Chris Kaman highlights come out. Brilliant. Having an Austrian half to his family, Lloydy couldn’t be happier right now.
That’s 4 for Dave, 2 for Stu and 2 for Lloydy now.
8.37am (Dave) – So the Raptors draft a poor man’s Jonas Valanciunus when they already have the real Jonas Valanciunus on their roster?!?! Has Masai Ujiri been drinking?
Jalen Rose’s player comparisons are priceless. I hope he compares someone to Adam Morrison.
8.41am (Lloydy) – and the Bucks TAKE THON MAKER AT NO. 10!!! Holy shit. None of us care that our big boards are now even more fucked. This is big. That’s two Aussie lottery picks IN THE TOP 10. Bilas says that the Bucks really like the fact that he’s a 7 footer. What a mind. The Bucks fans in the crowd actually look happy. Bless them. Thon Watch just got relevant.
8.43am (Dave) – The Milwaukee Bucks are now officially my second favourite team. The Greek Freak, Jabari Parker and now Thon, I love this team! How long before you think we can order Thon Maker Bucks jerseys? (*googles Thon Maker Bucks jerseys*).
(Lloydy) – make sure you get two when you place the order.
8.48am (Lloydy) – Orlando take Sabonis at no. 11 and Dave and Lloydy drink. Stu’s based his draft on Dick Vitale’s big board. Looks like Dick’s still got something left to give. And there’s an Ardvydas sighting!!! Could you really ask any more from the no. 11 pick? I think not. That’s 5 for Dave, 3 for Lloydy and 2 for Stu. A great start to the day.
8.55am (Lloydy) – Taurean Prince goes to Atlanta at no. 12. Yeah, I’m excited too. All up, he’s got long arms, good lateral quickness (i.e. good defender) and loves to shoot the corner three. This one has got ‘Bazemore replacement’ and, to a larger extent, ‘DeMarre Carroll replacement’ written all over it. Given that Prince is a senior, he should be able to contribute right away.
There you go. A boring write up for a boring team (except when its senior management is talking about Luol Deng of course).
8.58am TRADE!!! OKC sends Ibaka to Orlando in return for Oladipo, Ilyasova, Sabonis and 2017 draft pick.
(Lloydy) Holy crap!!! Meditate on this, I must. Seems like a lot to cough up for Ibaka.
9.01am – PROPOSED TRADE!!! Suns get Chriss in return for the Kings getting the 13th and 28th picks – and Bojan Bogdanovic – and a 2020 second round pick.
(Lloydy) Righto. It’s not like the Kings really needed a stretch 4 who can shoot threes, run and jump through the roof to complement Cousins or anything. GM Vlade (Serbian) just had to get himself a Bogdanovic (Serbian) at all costs I suppose.
Absolutely brilliant – it took only 34 minutes after my 8.27am prediction – that the Kings would ruin Chriss – for them to terminate his employment with them! Sacramento might as well have just said this to the young man:
‘Dear Mr Chriss, we think that your untapped potential – which we thought worthy of the no. 8 pick – is worth a 13th pick plus a 28th pick (which averages out to about a 21st pick) – plus a former 27th pick who plays very much like a 27th pick – and a meaningless second round pick. Have a nice career (without us)’.
The funny thing is he almost certainly will.
(Dave) We were so close to the perfect storm of Bender being traded to the Kings to team up with Rudy Gay. The Suns end up with both Bender and Chriss. That’s a helluva lot of developing they’re going to be doing over the next 3 years. I can’t see Earl Watson remaining coach much longer.
9.03am (Lloydy) – the Suns take Georgis Papagiannis at no. 13. This is all too overwhelming. How can anyone keep up with this idiocy? I’m assuming this pick was made at the request of Sacramento given the above trade. Vlade just had to get himself a slow, 7’2” 240 pound centre for ‘tomorrow’s NBA’ I suppose – because he sure as shit ain’t any good for ‘today’s NBA’.
9.10am (Dave) – Chicago takes Denzel Valentine at no. 14. So Chicago gets rid of a guard with bad knees and then replaces him with… a guard with bad knees. And the Michael Ray-Richardson highlights come out.
(Lloydy) – Does this mean that Chicago has taken a guy with bad knees and a coke habit then?
9.17am (Lloydy) – Denver takes Hernangomez at no. 15 and San Antonio’s draft strategy is ruined. I like this pick. Reminds me of Luis Scola. Good value at no. 15.
(Dave) – Reminds me of Jan Vesely. I’m expecting very little from this guy. In fact, this would have been the perfect opportunity for Jalen Rose to crank out an Adam Morrison player comparison.
(Lloydy) – sounds like you want to put a tenner on this.
9.26am (Lloydy) – Boston takes Guerschon Yabusele at no. 16. A 20yo small ball 4 apparently. ‘Small’ is not the word I would use here. At 6’8” and 240 pounds of French he looks more like a potential fat Boris Diaw – or the second coming of Olivier Miller. Take your pick. They’ll have to send a dietitian right over there.
Aren’t we supposed to call these guys tweeners? Everybody’s a Draymond Green ‘small ball 4’ all of a sudden. Regardless, this looks like a
FritzlEuro stash to me.
9.33am (Lloydy) – Memphis takes Wade Baldwin at no. 17 and Lloydy and Stu drink. Bilas, for different reasons, incredibly says drink it up. He must have said wingspan.
You know what sucks about being a Baldwin? … NOTHING!!!
That’s 5 for Dave, 4 for Lloydy and 3 for Stu.
9.34am (Dave) – Wade Baldwin IV!!! CP3, PG13, and now WB4. Trust me, it’s going to be a thing! I must be quite drunk because I keep calling him Wayne.
TRADE – Indiana gets Thad Young and Brooklyn gets the no. 20 pick.
(Lloydy) – Young really does get flipped around like the TV guide. It’s disappointing, as he’s a decent player and deserves to hook on with a contender.
9.38am (Lloydy) – Detroit takes Henry Ellenson at no. 18. Van Gundy just can’t help himself when it comes to any big with stretch potential. I’m not sure this one fits for Detroit to be honest – he’s incredibly slow and unathletic. Then again, what can you really expect at no. 18?
(Dave) – Jalen compares Ellenson to Troy Murphy, another slow, unathletic 6’11” big man. Actually, Murphy averaged 11-8 over a 12 year career. Detroit would be over the moon with that sort of production from Ellenson.
9.44am (Lloydy) – Denver takes Malik Beasley at no. 19.
(Dave) – We’re informed that Beasley is currently recovering from a stress fracture in his right leg. Surprisingly, the are no Sam Bowie player comparisons.
9.52am (Lloydy) – Brooklyn takes Caris LeVert with the 20th pick they obtained from Indiana in the Young trade. I can at least see why they did this. Young was of no real use to them and taking a chance on an athletic scorer like LeVert is the only way for them to get some youth and potential upside. Of course, the three surgeries LeVert has had on the same foot (in the same place) makes this high risk. Could they have gotten better for Young? Probably.
As for Indiana, it’s now added Young and Teague in exchange for the no. 12 and no. 20 picks it had – which gives solid depth for the Eastern Conference silver medal race. Within 12 months, Larry Bird has almost completely remodelled Indiana from slow and plodding to jitterbug quick. He still needs another star to add to George though.
9.59am (Dave) – Atlanta takes their full time allocation before selecting DeAndre Bembry at no. 21. Pretty sure the Hawks selected the guy with the best afro out of spite after Commissioner Silver vetoed their preferred idea of taking a mulligan.
10.05am (Lloydy) – Malachi Ricahrdson gets picked at no. 22 and gets sent to Sacramento for Marco Bellinelli. Dave says ‘he looks like a Malachi’. I agree.
10.10am (Lloydy) – The Celtics take Ante Zizic at no. 23 and the Boston fans in the crowd are absolutely apoplectic. Could it have something to do with the fact that:
- Zizic wasn’t the best available on the board?
- Zizic wasn’t even the best available Croatian on the board (Zubac is still sitting there)?
- Boston already picked and Fritzl-stashed the possible second coming of Oliver Miller at no. 16?
- Boston gambled on Jaylen Brown at no. 3?
- Boston hasn’t been able to trade any of its pupu platter deluxe for a superstar (tip: maybe other GMs are a bit wary after the Ray Allen/Kevin Garnett free agent haul in 2007 – and the Garnett/Pierce fleecing of Brooklyn in 2013).
That said, I’m not writing off Danny Ainge on any of this. He hasn’t gotten too much wrong in his time (cough – Fab Melo).
(Dave) – ‘Apoplectic‘, adjective; overcome with anger, furious. Yeah, I had no idea either.
10.16am (Lloydy) – Timothe Luwawu goes to Philly at no. 24. Some had him going in the mid-first round and this looks to be a solid pick for this spot in the draft. Luwawu has great athleticism but needs to bulk up before he can finish consistently against NBA level defences. Whether he has the attitude to put in the necessary work is the big question.
10.18am (Dave) – A great day for Philadelphia. They’ve selected Ben Simmons and Ben Simmons’ career backup in the same draft.
10.22am (Lloydy) – the Clippers take Brice Johnson at no. 25 and Dave and Stu drink. That’s 6 for Dave, 4 for Lloydy and 4 for Stu.
Lloydy gets a late first round Hail Mary and Dave and Stu grumble, demanding to see proof of the pick on Lloydy’s big board.
10.28am (Dave) – Another Philly pick. This time they take a draft ‘n’ stash at no. 26 with Furkan Korkmaz. I really hope he makes it to the NBA, if only for the Jeff Van Gundy commentary. ‘Korkmaz with a 3! Are you Furkan kidding me?’.
(Lloydy) – I reckon this guy has İbrahim Kutluay written all over him.
10.35am (Dave) – Toronto select Pascal Siakam at no.27. The cameras cut to a still-to-be-selected Deyonta Davis mouthing a confused “What?”. He looks like he might need a hug.
(Lloydy) – there’s always one every year. You can just see Deyonta writing up his hit list of everyone drafted before him and vowing to dunk on them all. He’ll need to grow a pair before he can do this – with this from nbadraft.net (which incredibly had him at no. 10 to Milwaukee on their board):
Far from a finished product … If he’s not finishing at the rim he’s not able to impact the game much offensively at this point … For a rim protector he suffers too many lapses in defensive awareness … Didn’t always stand out when on the floor for Michigan State this year … Showed flashes, but often went long stretches without impacting the game …
10.40am (Dave) – Skal Labissiere to Phoenix at no. 28. Thank goodness, that kid looked susceptible to a ‘Cobain’ episode if he slipped much further. On the move to the Kings as part of the Marquese Chriss trade. The future does not look bright, Sacramento has him now.
We get a Raef LaFrentz player comparison! Good to see Jalen doesn’t let his standards slip towards the end of the draft.
(Lloydy) – this guy has Perry Jones III written all over him.
10.42am (Dave) – Spurs on the clock at no.29. They take DeJounte Murray. I’m not sure if the fact I had this kid at no.12 says more about the Spurs ability to find lottery talent at the end of the first round, or my inability to construct a big board.
10:50am (Dave) – Golden State selects Damien Jones with the last pick of the first round. Teams that win 73 games in a season shouldn’t be allowed to draft in the first round. Jones is big and athletic but probably lacks the mean streak needed to succeed in the NBA. At least he gets a front row seat to all 82 Warriors games next season.
(Lloydy) – if he doesn’t get his towel wave and ‘Steph just hit a three’ jig down, then he’s straight off to Santa Cruz. The 12th spot on the roster comes with very high expectations in this respect.
10.52am (Lloydy) – between the penalty shots and incidental drinking, that’s the first bottle of scotch between Dave and I gone (Stu chose tequila). Co-incidentally, that’s the first round out of the the draft out of the way too. It’s now time for a game of HORSE in the front yard and some Dim Sum for lunch. We hope you’ve enjoyed this authoritative account of the 2016 NBA Draft.